i don't like sucking hair
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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