you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
