from now on my penis is your penis
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
