Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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