your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
