Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
