i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
