I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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