sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
don't judge my taste in strippers
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize