we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
