I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
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