it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
