i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
