I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
