Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
