dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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