Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
