i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize