You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
