I cannot find my penis.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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