he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
where are my eyebrows?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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