I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
