YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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