Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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