hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
