That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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