Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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