Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
