i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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