Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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