What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
