please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
