I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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