is wine microwaveable?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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