thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
