i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Please don't give away my fajitas
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