sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
