So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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