Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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