'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
