That's intense
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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