butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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