bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
