Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
