I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Help me help you realize you are a moron
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
