you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its not stalking. its research.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
