new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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