Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
