I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
