pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
