my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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