I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
