you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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