If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
