Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Randomize
