At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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