Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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