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He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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