your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
