I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
