Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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