I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
