you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
