In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
