ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I want her autograph on my taint
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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