Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
