the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
